Progression

How it’s looking so far. So buying anti cellulite cream for thighs and maybe hiring a genie or a magician or a fairy…. hell all of the aforementioned and more!!!

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Love is:

There is a story behind my new love affair of the high heel.  Up till this year I have been ony wearing flats and running shoes.  Then I got this new casual business dress job and I had to wear more dressy shoes, enter the wedge.  I started there and then this pair is my first heel, high heel.   I love these shoes and wore them for their first time today.  They are Kumfs in amazing condition and I only paid $8.00 for them in a secondhand shop!

I feel longer and stronger and just feminine in these shoes.  I now have these, a gray pair, a red pair, a black cloth pair and my latest that I will try tomorrow a gorgeous blue leather which are the highest yet.  Scary but I will up date you on whether or not I break an ankle in them – fingers crossed I do not, as my broken ribs are more than enough at the moment!  Photo of the blue dreamy shoes to come.

I also fell in love with the London Fly shoes that I found in a little boutique shoe shop. These shoes are incredible and I must, simply must have a pair (yeah lets go with A pair).

 

Into The Makeup Labyrinth

Warning: My ineptitude with makeup may shock and traumatise some women (LOL)

 

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This is the morning “selfies” of pre and post Thin Lizzy I did for a dare.  The bottom                         one is the makeup wearing one.  Which I later learnt was incorrectly  applied                                 big time – oh dear.

 

 

I am 46 years old and the most I have ever worn makeup for is my wedding and it was professionally applied. It is a kind of sense of missing something, as a woman, that means I at least try to put something on. What I normally do is wear, if anything, is a kind of ‘smoother’ approach so that I look less blotchy and pale. The first product was Natural Glow and more recently it has been Thin Lizzy. The one little tine or two did everything – foundation, bronzer, eye shadow, lip etc etc. I found that I had been putting my Thin Lizzy on all wrong and that could explain why I never really liked the look lol.

I had Thin Lizzy on today when I went into Farmers to find the complementary concealer I had seen advertised on TV. Chad and I were browsing which is quite normal for me as I avoid garnering attention for my shame in how little I know and how inept I felt. This lovely consultant came over to ask if she could help. I am a makeup dunce. Give me an essay and I can knock it out. Ask me my skin regime or the name of my products beyond Thin Lizzy and I am literally confused. This woman was brilliant, she tried to find me a Thin Lizzy concealer to wear but felt they were all to pink for me in tone and she showed me what she meant. I had no idea about tone I just wanted to hide the black circles under my eyes.

My ‘ skin regime’ and yep I am calling it that is a shower where water may or may not hit my face enough in the morning and after the gym lol. Hand cream on my face if I get hot and body suntan lotion so I don’t burn. Lately I have been putting on night cream and eye cream that I unearthed from my pile of ‘oooh this is a good idea and now gather cobwebs’ drawer. I feel quite virtuous about this regime lol. It is a lot for me. They are good products in my defense. What I missed is the cleaning in the morning and night to remove the residue and skin cells etc (who knew). So anything on my face literally moves in for the duration unless accidental dousing occurs.

When explaining my regime to the consultant she managed to not laugh but there were obvious signs of shock. She showed me a concealer that would blend with the Thin Lizzy and apparently ‘blend’ is a very important phrase. I began writing notes at this stage. Blend went down in capitals. Because L’Oreal had a buy one get one half price sale she showed me Primer which she demonstrated and made the Thin Lizzy go on much smoother and it felt nice. I had some weird thoughts on the term primer – my face is like a paint site lol and requires priming. Hmm must not wander in my thoughts in this dangerous place.

Oddly I had a ‘selfie’ of before and after Thin Lizzy that I took this morning as a dare from a friend and from it she was able to see my skin condition a bit better than the current display, that could be referred to as hit or miss application as the powder foundation and bronzer is swirled in the general direction of my face with no real plan. I had also failed to tap first so in a close up mirror, in some places it looked like a light snow fall covering and in others a mud patch. I laugh now but I was mortified in the shop. The consultant just showed me better ways of application that would help me in future and no condemnation or laughter.

She led me to the L’Oreal wall and yes it was a wall of product. I was starting to glaze over at all the choices since Thin Lizzy 6 in 1 does it all in one little powder. But she showed me items that would work around the Thin Lizzy and didn’t make me feel really stupid. She did suggest a skin regime that would be healthier for my skin and a real regime. The first product after the concealer was the primer which was for between my skin and the foundation. It did make the Thin Lizzy apply better and it looked smoother – it blended!!! So proud I slipped that in there. She got me to feel the texture on my skin and gave me time to write things down and ask what was probably insanely idiotic questions. At this stage hubby said “show her what she needs and we will go from there”.

So she worked out that if we bought two cleansing products we could get the cleanser free. She found the perfect – for – my – skin summer and winter moisturizer. I photographed the winter one and bought the summer one, which she fully explained including stressing the pea size amount to put on (I choose to plead the fifth on what size I was using prior to this with my night cream). What impressed me here was she said not to buy the winter one if the summer one was still working (I am hoping I will be able to determine this). The winter one was much thicker in texture.

Hubby wanted me to get a lipstick, since I hate the texture of the Thin Lizzy one. I was not able to answer her questions about preference due to my lack of, well any real experience, on matte or gloss. I thought that was photographs, sigh must concentrate lol. I thought gloss because I like lip gloss and I usually get brown as a colour. She helped me find a really pretty natural pink (not what I would have picked in a million years). Sensual rose, even the name makes me smile.

She did keep going back to the foundation being not quite right but didn’t insist on a new one. She found me the one I could replace the Thin Lizzy with that was perfect for my skin and I photographed that. At the till she found I had a spare half price offer and we got the foundation. Make up is frigging dare I came to realise and Farmers only have the price on the shelf not the product and we often moved to the Thin Lizzy display to make it work with the new stuff. How much was a surprise, and for me, who rarely buys make up – a holy heck surprise – but hubby stepped in and we got it all. I mean the concealer is thinner than lipstick and well expensive – think pea size application, pea size.

So what we bought was all L’Oreal. The make up remover wipes and daily moisturizer got me the cleanser free. The sensual rose lipstick, primer, foundation and concealer came under the buy one, get one half price. Now I could be simply be gullible and overwhelmed at the labyrinth of the make up journey and this was at one wall – have you seen the tonnes of displays? Let alone the different named moisturizers – really how many different types can we really need? I enjoyed the experience, first time ever regarding make up and she tried everything out on my skin and let me try it. She didn’t judge me or make me feel stupid and I bought nothing that I didn’t want to. I felt like a real adult woman lol – and who knows next time it might be the colour makeup like eye shadow and eye liner etc, can’t totally see it but who knows I am evolving atm.

Hope you weren’t too bored – let me know your make up stories and any tips…

Keeping my promise …

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Today’s assignment was to: write a post that builds on one of the comments you left yesterday.  This gave me the opportunity to keep my promise to write about my perspective of the relationship between marriage and bearing children.   The inspiration for today’s blog idea was found in a post called: giving-up-the-ghost, part of the blog titled – http://yoonanimous.com/.    As I wrote yesterday, this blogger is really brilliant and I highly recommend that readers go take a look and see if her writing resonates with them, as it did with me.

Before I get into the meat of my blog I want to take the opportunity to thank SIMONEKRIS27 for responding to my request for feedback on yesterdays blog and offering a link on how I can add links to my  blog posts.  I am not sure I am completely following the directions correctly on how, but I think it is better than how I did it yesterday   (Any opinions?).  I will get hubby to check my logic, read the directions and interpret them for me (or just show me how to do it, since that seems to stick in my brain more easily and has half a chance of me repeating the process when on my own).

When I read the ‘Giving up the Ghost’ blog I just loved the way she wrote.  I read a few of her posts, simply because they were just that easy to do so and I recognised her pop culture references.  Her writing has a raw honesty that is blended perfectly to an enjoyable humour.  The ‘Giving up the Ghost’ post made me laugh and it seemed so topical for a lot of marriages – debates about how many children are enough and enough for who?  However, it is not typical for our marriage as we have no children and never intended to have any.  We got married to be together, a romantic desire to formalise our love and to share a last name.  Yep we had an old fashioned approach to marriage (except in relation to children) and we both expected it to be forever.

My comment on her post is not yet moderated on her site but I could see it and copied it here:

This was an amazing piece of writing – raw and humourous all at once. I have no children but when asked that question and it is so many times, as if marriage should equal children and 25 years of marriage should equal many children at that, I reply that I have one and yes its hubby. Thank you for sharing your journey.

We both shared a definition of our hubby’s character that included their similarity to children, with us cast into the mothering role.   However, my comment was primarily an aside to the main thrust of her post.  It was more the memories it stirred in my mind.  What she wrote reminded me of how often, even on our wedding day, we were asked if we were having children and more often than not, when?

There is an additional similar theme in her discussion with her hubby about having a third child while he was scheduling a vasectomy.   But the twist in our case was that I wanted children and hubby did not.  I had this childhood dream of being a wife, a mother, the perfect housewife with the picket fence home in suburbia.   It would seem that I lost the battle, since we don’t have children but it was never a battle and it was a mutual decision.  And knowing how hubby loves me, it I had truly wanted one he would have gone for it, for me. Would we have been good parents? No idea but we made the decision not to be parents at all.

I remember leading up to our wedding day we were often asked what the rush to marriage was.   I didn’t consider it rushed – we were both 21, I fell in love with hubby and it stuck and 25 years later it remains ‘stuck’.  I think the inference was that we were marrying because I was pregnant and while no one blatantly addressed that, some people had a hopeful air about them.  Hubby became impatient with the inquiries and he began to reply that, “we are legitimising … (there was a palpable pause, the holding of breath, from hubby who was drawing out till the punchline and from the listener who may have been awaiting the pregnancy announcement) … our house.”

We had bought our house the year before, with assistance from Nana Conway.   She wanted to see us spend her money before she died and to enjoy it.  Other than marrying hubby, my favourite part of my wedding day was all the family and friends present.  I look at the photo’s from that day and there are so many beloved people no longer with us.

Sometimes  when I reply in the negative to queries about our having children I can feel an urge to rationalise the decision.   For example, as a woman I can feel like a failure in not having ‘mother’ as one of my roles.   It feels like we met the social obligation of marrying and then just abandoned the rest and are being called to account for it each time we disappoint someone with our not having children.  And I know that this says more about them and their life perspective or expectations, than my actual marriage.  Society seems more geared toward the woman as mother, especially the married woman and that can be wearying.

Hubby and I like being a twosome and it was our desire to retain that, that precluded our wanting to bring another person into our lives.  There are other rationales for why we didn’t have children beyond simply our decision.   My heart stops under anesthetic and the bottom line medically was that hubby might have to choose between me or the baby.  He would have chosen me, which would have lost him me as I would never have forgiven him that choice.  I forget all the medical rationalisations for how this could happen it was a long time ago.

The bodily functions of women that allow childbirth can be irritating to those that chose never to fully utilise them.   I have experienced lactating, since my brain tumour induced it within my body, absent of the normal causation of a breastfeeding baby.   I also have the agony of the once a month period pains that can be crippling, sending me to the medicine cabinet and virtually moving into hot baths to ease it.   When I was younger and after a long period of “women troubles” I asked for a hysterectomy, but the doctor (male) felt that I would change my mind and regret it later.  Later has been and gone, I never changed my mind and despite the potential chemical changes that accompany it, I am yearning for menopause.

Will I regret not having children?  I think it may depend on the context.  If I am alone in a rest home with no children or grandchildren to visit – possibly.  But would I then have had children for my old age and was that ever enough rationale?  I don’t regret the life hubby and I have, well in regards to having children that is.  I guess I will pay the price for it when it comes due.

Is our marriage perfect?  Is any marriage perfect and can you ever define anything that way?  Who decides what is the definition of perfect?  I know there are things that I would like to change about our marriage and I am sure hubby has an equally long, if not longer list.   By society standards I guess our marriage is dysfunctional as we didn’t produce children or maybe it’s pointless?  But is the objective of marriage, still, to have children?   Our objective was, and remains 25 years later, met – we are together, we share a last name and have had more memories made as a couple than as individuals.  He is still the man I want to wake up next to and to hold me when I cry.

This is a rambling blog, I am not sure it found a point and definitely it never stuck to one.  I will need to tease some of it out and then fatten the details in later blogs.  I welcome any comments, contrasting opinions and questions.