I miss you

Can you hear my heart break

Or is this silence too loud?

Since you began to lie to me

How can I believe what I hear?

Scream the truth, shout your pain

Be real, even if only to yourself

I miss my friend so very much

Come back, for yourself, please

Or for those who miss you

I am truly here for you, I am

I hope, through it all, you can see

Please let me be there for you

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What will be, will be

In death will pain still reign?

Or will I be like new again?

Walking with an even gait

No limp to make me late

 

Will my memories only be good?

I wish they were, I hope they should

The past passing gently over time

Not becoming a re-created crime

 

Will you walk that line with me?

Tell others, no!, nothing to see!

Watch my past flow gently past

Those within it, just a host cast

 

Characters that can not hurt me

Time to live my life past-free

Waiting for what happens next

Often rewriting a brand new text

 

 

 

Christ – must buy

This poem will offend, heck in writing it it offended me.  But it is how I feel and I am in pain from my ankle and being on it most of the day when I shouldn’t and dammit, no excuses, this is my poem, read it at your own risk.

 

I am spiritual but not overly religious

I am not trying to be rude or contentious

But if one more person offers salvation

I may change the fate of that creation

 

I love that you have your strong faith

But I am not a poor lost, needs saving, waif

So please, I implore, believe what you do

But leave me out of what you deem true

 

It is better than the ruthless retail side

Where Christmas is simply a hijacked ride

To make money to save the entire year

To beat off that major debtor fear

 

I do like getting together with family

With the in – laws it can be clammily

But the sharing of food and drink

Can bring Happiness right to the brink

 

It is also the hardest time of year

When those you love are not there

Your heart can ache for the loss

Alcohol can numb and become boss

 

So eat and be merry, but drive safe

Remember I am not a helpless waif

Leave me to my misery and mood

I really did not mean to be rude

 

 

I am sick

I am feeling the decrepitude of illness

My throat and lungs feel in distress

I ache in every single part of me

I am so very tired, really sleepy

Every step I take really hurts

The bruises showing under skirts

I fall a lot, often being unstable

Hate that I look like the “old” label

I spend the day resting in bed

Garnering my strength instead

Of continuing to push myself

Looking after all of my health

It is a rarity for me any self-care

I have lost touch with myself I fear

With how my body moves and feels

Making my “just keep going” deals

I have to heal, body and mind

My own self truly defined

So I know what I feel and do

With better help in full view

And yet the next day brings my reward

A day in the emergency department ward

A hair line fracture in my left ankle

It could be worse so I am thankful

Or I will be, I hope, in six weeks

Walking on crutches with tweaks

Is wearing me down right now

Fresh worry wrinkles in my brow

It is slowing recovering my mental state

I am feeling left to a very desperate fate

More alone and trapped than ever before

I am not sure that I can take any more

 

 

 

To those who seek to die

We have no right to stop you dying
When your soul was already flying
Your body numb and dormant
Wanting an end to your torment

Just because we have won our battle
Doesn’t mean you follow like cattle
You have to walk your own path
To let out your own self wrath

Time is never over, until you stop it
Just like you stopped being hit
Will death end your relentless pain?
Suiciding, what does anyone gain?

A footnote in the media news
Your death for someone else to use
A message that you never intended
Reality and politics become blended

If you die today the sun still rises
People live on, of all sizes
Of all different pain levels
Tormented by their own Devils

We have no right to stop you dying
But that won’t stop us from trying
You definitely possess great value
Already to us and one day, you

Just stay alive to see it too
A new hope in place for you
Lean on us, till you can live
Your ownself you must forgive

Silence

Sometimes we are faced with events that rob us of the words to fully explain what they mean to us.  Losing Auntie Dorrie is one of those events for me and my family.  She died at 103, I can not imagine being born in 1912 and dying in 2015, the things that she saw in her lifetime. She has always been in my life.  Her stories of the past told me of her life, her friendship with my grandmother and the childhood of my mother.  She was a gift to all those who knew her.  A woman of grace and patience, quiet strength and enduring spirit.  Her funeral tomorrow is going to be one of great sorrow, no preparation can make that pain any less and nor should it.  I believe that she will always be with me as are the other people that have left my life and while they were in it had shared part of who they were, which influenced who I was.

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