I miss you

Can you hear my heart break

Or is this silence too loud?

Since you began to lie to me

How can I believe what I hear?

Scream the truth, shout your pain

Be real, even if only to yourself

I miss my friend so very much

Come back, for yourself, please

Or for those who miss you

I am truly here for you, I am

I hope, through it all, you can see

Please let me be there for you


This is me

Don’t read between the lines

Don’t skip to the back

And definitely, never, ever

Expect expose’ images to view

Because this is me

But only in this moment

In this infinitesimal moment

Before I evolve once more

I have let go of who you judge

To be me, or the me YOU need

I have let go who I want to be

I am simply ME

I wear what makes me smile

Fashion can dictate elsewhere

I don’t wear makeup

For anyone but me

Look away if my visage offends

Today authentically I am me


Woe is me, please set me be

I love my job. I work with people with disability, illness or injury to find work. Along the way they find pieces of themselves that being “disabled” in a society built and engineered toward the “normal” have gotten lost.  I live the philosophy of my employer. I believe every person has a unique skill, perspective or talent to by I g to an employer. The right person for the right job.

So why am I sitting on my bed, stressed and miserable, instead of at work? Doing what I believe in:

1) I have broken ribs and I haven’t stopped and looked after them. They hurt all the time. Way worse than fibro does at the moment. I need to rest.

2) I have had endless issues with a computer system from hell and yesterday it broke me. I couldn’t take one more phone call to the help desk for a short term if any fix. One more play nice instead of really saying what I meant.

3) I can’t breathe. I have hubby caring for my best interests at home, which I love. My work partner is also my personal trainer and I can’t breathe. I can’t be. Someone 8s always in my space, yammering or ordering or judging or just in my space. Can I shout ” look away!! Nothing to see”!!

4) Too many changes all at once. I have a full time job that is business and I dress differently and I often don’t recognise me. I went vegetarian. I went hard core work outs … as much as one can in this broken down body. My dad had a heart attack and a stroke and I discovered a well of anger at him. My blood brother can be Mary sunshine which is just fracking annoying and I feel disconnected and judged by my heart brother. Life is tough atm and much is self inflicted.

So one day at a time and don’t say the first though in my head. It is never going to be pc!!

R9: The Drop

The Drop by Michael Connelly (2011)



Yet again I read a book from a series out of the publication order.  This time Hubby told me off because he has all the previous ones that I have read.  I am finding that I like seeing if a book can stand alone, even if it is part of a wider series.  I believe that the really good authors are able to create effective stand alone books within linked series.  Hubby says I will miss information that is provided in the earlier books and this book will tell me things unknown in them but I don’t mind that.

The book centres on Harry Bosch, a detective in the Open – Unsolved Unit, three years off retirement.  I first got interested in when there was an adaptation of some of Connelly’s early novels.  It was an excellent TV series so we hunted down the books and this story was equally enjoyable. I will eventually compare the books that were adapted to create the TV series but this one caught my eye first.

I enjoy the police politics that are weaved within this novel.  With Bosch as the centre we can see how his role in the force is impacted on by political maneuverings within the force and the local government with impact on financial constraints that the force can face.  I also like the statement that Bosch operated  his police work under:

Everybody counts or nobody counts

I think this statement is a good one for anyone to adopt.

This is a keep it but not a reap it as I already collect this author, well myself and hubby.  He has read more of them than me to date.