Is this the right cover?

Never judge a book by its cover, or the new one of by its movie! If you do, be prepared for a surprise or shock! 

I was thinking about what people see of me.  I am almost always appearing self assured and yet suffer intense anxiety.  I dress to cover my body and it has nothing to do with what weight I am.  In contrast I look enviously at clothes that would show off my body but am too scared to do so.

Our home is huge and real estate agents were shocked it was ours.  It is my centre but never a show home.  Built for many and yet we rarely have anyone at the house. My depression  and anxiety impact how cared for it is.

My car is now a station wagon size and yet I prefer small cars or scooters!  I love driving it which constantly confuses and surprises me!

The cats that live with me portray accurately how I prefer animals to humans.  Cats can be independent and ßß when needed.

My desire to be human-free is not represented in my special friendships.  Many of these are new in recent years.  The more I understood myself and what I needed the easier it was to find and keep friends.

I always get asked to help.  Like in a supermarket.  I did wonder if I had a sign that encouraged other people to approach me.  I avoid contact and yet will help.
I hold a lot of academic qualifications but am in no way a typical academic.  I can change to meet the situation I am in.  It was part of how I nursed – equal loves of paper work and the bed side care.

So look at any part of me and it may give you a wrong impression of me! I like to think of myself as a wordsmith, eclectic and eccentric.  I a okay just being me! and continue working on that.


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I is for Invisible

I is for when I feel invisible

For feeling observed but not seen

For not being deemed ‘normal’

Society makes me feel divisible

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I can be ‘normal’ but it is just an act

I can be mentally ill but I can function

I can’t be both, apparently society objects

I often feel like something in me be lacked

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Was I absent the means to impress?

Wanting to blend into the background

Not wanting to be gossiped about

Not wanting to make public my distress

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I need to be me, no matter my state

I need to be free to express myself

To be allowed to function within society

Nothing to be labelled and nothing to abate

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I don’t want to be the societal conception

Something they must label and define

Something less because I am not perfect

Not wanting to perpetrate a deception

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Just wanting to be the person I could be

Possibly eccentric, or shy, or passive

But the ability to be and do as I will

Without ongoing public scrutiny

A to Z Challenge