A letter about something you wish you could do over

Dear Diary

I was asked to write a letter about something I wish I could change.  There are so many things I might consider changing that writing just a single one left me clueless.  In the spirit of wanting to live my life in a mindful manner I am going to address the idea of changing something from the past as opposed to proposing an actual change.

Mindfulness requires acceptance and I believe that part of that is accepting the past without any judgement that hindsight provides.  I accept that I had a really vicious boyfriend whose mind games and physical abuse remains an entrenched scar on my life.  I do not judge who I was during and immediately after that because I survived the best way I could.  It means I am not looking to change my past to make my now easier.  I am seeking to simply accept it as my past.

I did begin a letter with the desire to change how my nursing career began and ended.  But the reality is that it happened and if it hadn’t I would not have my Masters.  I would not have met and had the privilege of knowing Scott.  I would not have a chapter in with a publisher that I am proud of (the publisher and the chapter !).  I would not have had the empathy to help the clients I was able to while nursing.  I could keep going but this does not ignore the pain of not nursing.  But this situation is not all negative nor all positive.  It just is.

So Diary, I know you might have been waiting for a juicy confession with high drama as I sought a safe and logical way to rewrite my past.  Sorry for the disappointment!

Maybe next time!

Samantha

 

 

 

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