I was asked to write a letter about something I wish I could change. There are so many things I might consider changing that writing just a single one left me clueless. In the spirit of wanting to live my life in a mindful manner I am going to address the idea of changing something from the past as opposed to proposing an actual change.
Mindfulness requires acceptance and I believe that part of that is accepting the past without any judgement that hindsight provides. I accept that I had a really vicious boyfriend whose mind games and physical abuse remains an entrenched scar on my life. I do not judge who I was during and immediately after that because I survived the best way I could. It means I am not looking to change my past to make my now easier. I am seeking to simply accept it as my past.
I did begin a letter with the desire to change how my nursing career began and ended. But the reality is that it happened and if it hadn’t I would not have my Masters. I would not have met and had the privilege of knowing Scott. I would not have a chapter in with a publisher that I am proud of (the publisher and the chapter !). I would not have had the empathy to help the clients I was able to while nursing. I could keep going but this does not ignore the pain of not nursing. But this situation is not all negative nor all positive. It just is.
So Diary, I know you might have been waiting for a juicy confession with high drama as I sought a safe and logical way to rewrite my past. Sorry for the disappointment!
Maybe next time!