I am still waiting on the results of my blood tests. It is a time of wild imaginings of what could be wrong. Which in some ways could simply be a distraction from hypertension, which I most definitely have. On the positive I have managed to maintain my eating plan as per Weight Watchers and no matter my mental state I do make it to weekly meetings and “suffer” the weigh in.
For years I have been so out of touch with my own body that I have to be told what is wrong. For example, an xray told me I had fractured my ankle recently. It was just one more ache until the xray then I imagined how it should feel and finally connected with that. It is not a particularly healthy way to live but it has been a way to survive.
I knew my blood pressure was elevated. Every time I got it taken at any health consultations it was high. Until the arthritis appointment it was verbally observed. Now it is monitored and I am on blood pressure pills. On Monday 01 I have a two week assessment to see if the medication has worked or if I need a stronger dose to lower my blood pressure. I suck at consistent health care. I just don’t like doctors and it stresses me out to be the focus of anything so you can imagine how grumpy I am at the moment with having to attend regular appointments.
The Fitbit Charge HR is keeping track of my resting pulse rate and it tells a sad story of a pulse rarely below 90. Which is a problem as a fast pulse equals a high blood pressure. So I am working harder on my mindfulness meditation to mitigate the stress induced part of the number. I am also slowly eliminating one of my depression medications that can cause high blood pressure. It is slow but sure to regain my health.
I am diligent in my diet plan, tracking every morsel that passes my lips and this should be helping me lose weight and get back into a healthy weight range. It is all hurry up, before more damage is done, and wait, as in the results that will tell me just how much health trouble I am really in. I haven’t really had any challenges to this as my brain does well on set plans. In this I am a trained follower.
I am also working hard around my injuries to up my physical activity. It is a painful and yet to be rewarding experience. Sadly, one that I am familiar with. Which would make you think that it would be easier to navigate, like a well trodden path, however it is not. I think that I manage to make potholes and piles of rubble to traverse. If self sabotage had an Olympic medal I could well be a shoe in!!!
It feels like my creativity is circling the drain that is my health. As in my imagination is happily engaged in worse case scenario’s. I am used to this facet of my mind but it is damn annoying. So I just wait, which is not one of my strong suits. Tomorrow on the pretense of cancelling part of an appointment I am hoping they will say, come in we have news! Which is better than not knowing. If I know I can work with it, not knowing is driving me batty.
I think that hubby is trying to distract me with home renovations (or kill me). I am pulling up carpet, emptying a room and now hes added painting the downstairs walls to my lists. I work till my breathing is too compromised, rest and start again. Hubby says rest, let the medications help but that is how I got in this mess in the first place. So I push my limits like I always do but hopefully more mindfully this time…