Recovering … Me …

Day 30: What does recovery mean to you?

Recovery does not mean cure.  For me, it means recovering my mental health to a place where I can be functional and effective as a member of society.  It is where I am independent but able to seek help when I required it.  Recovery does not necessarily mean a return to what happened before the “mental health incident”.  That is the term my GP used to encompass any and all mental illnesses.  I like the word “incidence” it feels less permanent than using the word illness itself.

I believe that the process of recovery can be different for every person.  It often means something different because it can depend on what they lost.  Some things can not be retrieved, you can not go back to not having this illness.  The fear of it returning can not be ignored and can remain a constant shadow for quite some time.  The high powered job that you used to perform with ease might need to be replaced with a less stressful one, no matter how much wellness you achieve.

I am not completely sure what my recovery will look like this time.  I know in my heart I will never nurse in an area I love.  I doubt that I will ever nurse again at all simply because it costs me too much and eventually when it has to be paid for the deficit nearly kills me.  Maybe I will learn the skills to mitigate that deficit but then would I nurse the way I need to?  Is the best yet to come?  I don’t know the answers but I am ready to just do it.




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