Turn back or surge forward

If I Could Turn Back Time

If you could return to the past to relive a part of your life, either to experience the wonderful bits again, or to do something over, which part of you life would you return to? Why?

Despite deciding previously not to take advantages of anything that changed the past, this prompt tempted me.  I believe it is because I have been working through a 30 day mental illness challenge and this has left me with a refresh on some of the worst memories of my life.  I am also thinking that if I hadn’t had this experience my life could be very different.

There is my normal reluctance to disturb the past and potentially lose something of value that I gained as a result of that experience.  I also get the contorting mind process from trying to work out the far reaching consequences for myself and any one else.  What do I lose in not having that experience? and there is no guarantee that my life would be any better if I did turn back time and avoid that experience.

I am tempted because I know that at the moment it is hard to see the positive with how hard living each day is.  The hairline fracture to my left ankle resulted in basic immobility over the last 6 weeks.  I am still struggling to walk normally and for any length of time.  It just added more stress to a stressful month.

If I turned back time it would be to when I was quite young.  I would need the facility to monitor when things had happened previously for me and fine tune my landing time based on that.  From there I would make new decisions to avoid much of the abuse that I experienced.  I need that past awareness because I worry that I might make the same decision again if I don’t know what happened the first time.

I have to ask myself if I am willing to give up the direct consequences of what happened. The bad is an easy choice but the good is less so as it could include my marriage and many of the friends I have made.   I am just not sure, but this is the closest I have come to a “magical” intervention to my life stream.  I might remove a boulder, that in turn drowns out something or someone that I truly value and would mourn the loss of.  Nothing in this life is simple.



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