Fearless Fantasies:  How would your life be different if you were incapable of feeling fear? Would your life be better or worse than it is now?

I think that once a person has been terrorised they can become immune to the normal fears people experience.  They almost develop an immune response so that it takes even worse trauma to trigger a fear response.   I know that I am hyper – vigilant in any situation.  I know where all the exits are and unconsciously map where the people are positioned.  It has just become part of me and in many ways its not a bad sense to have at your disposal in this uncertain world.

I know that I experience panic attacks in the most inconvenient places for no real situational reason.   Like the frozen department in the supermarket – I mean why there? and every time its there.  Its like panic waits for me to do the majority of my shopping and then near the end with just checkout to go it pounces.  Then I have to go through the checkout managing my racing heart and breathing, pretending to engage in conversation, when all I really want to do is get the hell outside.   So inconvenient and annoying.

It is more annoying to have a panic attack in my home.  I mean, come on, what could trigger it here?  I am guessing that possible a premonition of what I intend to do that day creeps in and causes fear, which develops straight into a panic attack.  Often it feels like waves of fear roll over me. leaving me freezing cold and then searing hot, sweaty and gulping in great gusts of air.  Not attractive and often mistaken for a heart attack.  Which is a – whole – nother nightmare to manage.

We need fear.  Obviously not the irrational fear of, well any and everything, but the fears that help keep us safe.  Like the fear of being hit by a train can make you hesitant and take a second look at the crossing, before you walk across it.  I think without fear, life might be boring.  I mean who doesn’t enjoy seeing a women screaming and pointing violently at a spider while in charge of a moving vehicle, that weaves in response to her attempts to escape the spider in the car with her!

Then there are the horror movies, where strange people pay to be scared spitless.  I am not one of those people.  I am not scared by the likes of A Nightmare on Elm Street because I can remember laughing myself silly at the methods of murder and just feeling sad for Freddy.  But I have to say the Japanese can scare me silly.  I watched some for study and compared the American and Japanese versions of a horror film.  The American one was over done and the Japanese one left me sleeping with the light on for weeks after.  I can not remember the film’s name but the dear is memorable.

I avoid anything written by Stephen King after accidentally watching, The Mist.  I was young and it took a long time before I could venture into a supermarket alone!   I have a rule that if I accidentally see a horror film I have to watch it to the end or else my imagination creates an ending far worse than any the writer had.  This occurred with The House of Wax and I remember some scenes vividly, even years later.  I do find the final destination movies laughable – they are just sad and weird in the death scenes.

I think fear is a vital part of our life and if it was absent it might be life threatening and/or boring.  It can be the only sensation left if a person becomes numb but repeated exposure to fear can predicate numbness. Too much fear can result in a paralysis that prevents a person moving forward. I experience it a lot in my life at the moment.  I just have to take time to determine if its rational fear and something I need to be wary of or not.  I think fear is like faith, it is just a part of life that is experienced and those experiences contribute to who we are.

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