Daily prompt: https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/unfaithful/
Un/Faithful: Tell us about the role that faith plays in your life — or doesn’t.
I am defining faith as:
“complete trust or confidence in someone or something.”
I know that faith is traditionally associated with religion but that can make faith a source of controversy. So side stepping that, I want to discuss faith as trust or confidence rather than investing these in a specific someone.
I am not sure I have complete trust in anything. I trust my hubby the greatest but he will betray my trust to save my life. Knowing that diminishes my ability to have complete trust in him. I have a friend in my life who I have grown very close to but in a hang over from my past I constantly worry that I will not be good enough or that they may not need me anymore. I have an experience of being a ‘throwaway’ friend and it is not easily forgotten.
My second thought was shouldn’t I trust myself absolutely and have complete confidence in myself? Sadly, my response is no. After years of lying even to myself about how I really was, I now question everything. Am I responding from my own conviction or is it a consequence of past experiences or is it fear talking? It can now take me a long time to make a decision on anything significant. This can be quite tiring.
Faith is something that I want as part of my life, especially in relation to myself. I am just not there yet. For faith to be fully embedded in my life and to underpin it, I will take it slow and carefully so that it is not superficially present. I do not want to invest faith inappropriately, as I have in my past. Faith is a form of power, so like all power, I want to wield it carefully.