Faith it will come …

Daily prompt:

Un/Faithful:  Tell us about the role that faith plays in your life — or doesn’t.

I am defining faith as:

“complete trust or confidence in someone or something.”


I know that faith is traditionally associated with religion but that can make faith a source of controversy.  So side stepping that, I want to discuss faith as trust or confidence rather than investing these in a specific someone.

I am not sure I have complete trust in anything.  I trust my hubby the greatest but he will betray my trust to save my life.  Knowing that diminishes my ability to have complete trust in him.  I have a friend in my life who I have grown very close to but in a hang over from my past I constantly worry that I will not be good enough or that they may not need me anymore.  I have an experience of being a ‘throwaway’ friend and it is not easily forgotten.

My second thought was shouldn’t I trust myself absolutely and have complete confidence in myself?  Sadly, my response is no.  After years of lying even to myself about how I really was, I now question everything.   Am I responding from my own conviction or is it a consequence of past experiences or is it fear talking?  It can now take me a long time to make a decision on anything significant.  This can be quite tiring.

Faith is something that I want as part of my life, especially in relation to myself.  I am just not there yet.  For faith to be fully embedded in my life and to underpin it, I will take it slow and carefully so that it is not superficially present.  I do not want to invest faith inappropriately, as I have in my past.  Faith is a form of power, so like all power, I want to wield it carefully.

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