Chapter Two: Beware of Love
Audreana was 16 when she fell in love for the first time. It was a pure love straight out of a Mills and Boon novel. At least it was for her. For him, it was lust and a naive girl that he could possibly score third base with. He hooked Audreana with tales of the family trauma that he was experiencing. His sister was in and out of mental health services for a drug addiction that was destroying the entire family. At the least, the security that Jay had found in his family till this year was splintered. He was not sure it could ever be fixed, all the splinters shattering and further dispersing. Audreana fell for his geeky looks and need for a safe harbour. It fulfilled all the dreams she had of being the strong woman supporting her man through thick and thin.
The reality was that this was two young people lost in the unfamiliarity of love and passion. Audreana buried herself within the needs of Jay and slowly but surely made her life about what he needed. She had no real idea of what she could ask for, this being her first relationship. She knew that she wanted to be pure for her husband, a virgin on her wedding night. She believed that Jay could be her one true love and that luck or cupid had led her to him, but she wanted marriage first. All the great love stories had the fumbled moments of learning your one true love on that special night. Audreana wanted that for herself. She had limited knowledge about what sex actually was. The education provided by her mother was a book to read, when she was home sick from school one day. The general message was don’t. Audreana could accept that because it was in line with the books she inhaled as her guide in life.
Audreana had the use of her parent’s car. One night, she and Jay parked at the lookout over the city and in the darkness innocent fumbling became attempted rape. Jay hurt Audreana in a way that not even the doctor had. Her screaming ‘NO’ and absolute terror meant he stopped. Or it could have been the other people parked in the same place noticing the noise. Jay did not want to risk discovery, although he also denied any wrongdoing. When Audreana collected herself she was able to drive him home. Still aching she found blood in her underpants and was terrified. Audreana had no one to tell, no one to ask what had happened or whether she might be dying. When she told Jay he boasted that it was a sign of his manhood. He spread the story to their combined friends and her response was to deny it. Audreana had no idea what happened but the past had taught her to deny and hide.
The end of this love affair came with Jay’s family moving to Australia to try and get better help for his sister. She had attempted to take her life and Jay’s parents had lost faith in the New Zealand (NZ) health service. They corresponded for a while with Audreana mailing gifts to show her committed love to him. Eventually Jay’s parents interceded, they believed him when he said he had not solicited the gifts. Jay warned Audreana that his parents were writing to hers, to ask them to free him of her “bad influence”. Audreana had evidence of his manipulation but she remembered that he had only ever wanted to have the safe harbour of his family restored. In the end she stopped the letter getting to her parents and never replied to his final letter. Instead, with her heart aching, she tore the letter to shreds and put a permanent end to this sorry episode of her first love.