Its Christmas Eve and this post is for all the people that are staying quiet in the flush of happiness and beauty of Christmas that they just can not feel.
I get that and want to wish those people a few days of whatever you need to get through it.
Christmas brings out the best of many of us but also highlights the worst.
I thought about what to post as my holiday wishes on Facebook. I was not in the mood to emulate all the joy and season greeting that was being shared. So I thought about other people that might share the same feelings as mine and be afraid to express it. Afraid of the judgement of having an opinion that might be deemed too far from the normal opinion.
I am neither engaging in retail or Christian rituals. The first because I am unable to walk very far and this has meant I couldn’t do my normal poking among the shops looking for that perfect gift. I missed the pleasure of just being in the throng, participating in the same activity, potentially hunting the same bargain.
I am spiritual. My psychiatrist feels I am not because of a flawed relationship between my mind and body. It kind of matches the same flawed relationship that I have with God. I currently have “issues” with relationships in general, be they internal or with others. I am working on this.
I don’t want to not call myself spiritual. It would make me feel even more divorced from the world around me. At this time I need the anchors that I choose and cling to. I am working on building them, rather than dismantling more of my reality. Not everything that is me or mine is wrong or should be replaced. Some just require some tweaking.
So Christmas is not merry for everyone. It is not joyful for those who only see what is missing from their family tree. It can be an affront to those religions that do not feature Christ. It can be the focus of an up-welling of pain and sadness. Be kind to those that do not seem able to share in your gaiety and think, for a second, what they might be experiencing or remembering.