Posted in Daily Prompt

Um ! ?

Hate to Love:  Tell us about a guilty pleasure that you hate to love.

I am completely stuck on this one.  You have guilt and pleasure, hate and love but putting them altogether is just confusing me.  I have never understood “guilty pleasure”.  If its a pleasure why would it make me feel guilty?

I guess if I watched Coronation Street (I know this is like a cult thing for many people including my parents, but … err … why?), Shortland Street (I spend the whole programme correcting all the poor medical inaccuracies, not much pleasure in that and I was banned from watching again … sigh) or Geordie Shore (Even though I only watch the television advertisements of this – I am seriously like what the heck?).  Maybe concern for my IQ means if I watched and enjoyed these images I should be found guilty of something?  Poor television censorship maybe?

I love food treats, comfort eating etc etc but although I obtain great pleasure in consuming them, I am an adult.  As long as I could pay for them, I don’t feel guilty in doing so.  Maybe if I bought my beloved iced coffee, rather than paying the power bill (and yes iced coffee is getting that damn expensive) I might have pleasure, followed swiftly by no lights on in the house and an irate hubby, and I guess guilt because I stole from the power bill fund.

I do experience delayed guilt.  I will do something for pleasure and then later, way overthink the impulse of doing so.  Guilt sets in, ruining long term pleasure derived in that moment but I still have the actual moment. I just see little point in doing something for pleasure and then letting guilt ruin it.  Often, I can feel like I do not deserve to feel pleasure because I am so messed up but that guilt resides in another place, than in the pleasure I am trying to simply enjoy.

So, maybe if I slept around on hubby but it was really, really good sex, then that pleasure might be tainted with guilt.  But then if I willingly go for sex with someone not my hubby, is guilt really something a cold hearted cheat is going to care about?  Okay – maybe if I get caught and my whole world falls apart, guilt might be the smart way to prevent a homicide situation but um this is seeming a little calculated.

I am also confused by the love to hate part.  I love things and I hate things (well 2 people) but I don’t love that which I hate.  Although, since one of those 2 people is my abuser, maybe I love that now I can hate him.  Back when I was under his control (and stupid!) I guess I loved him but hated how much he hurt me all the time.  Does that qualify.    I think I just got more confused.

I might leave this one right here before I feel guilty for the pleasure I am getting in confusing my own thinking, while thinking.  I almost feel the urge to sneak a peek at some one else’s answer to see if I might sort this out but then the guilt of cheating and um …

 

Love/Hate - love Photo

Source: Google search – Love/hate

 

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Author:

I was 46 years old when I begun this blog, female and married with a house full of cats (7). My past is littered with the impact of events that happened when I was a teen. Two loves of my life have been nursing and studying. I just completed my Master of Arts: Media Studies endorsement. My blog will be about the things I think about, that might be better served being written rather than squirreled away in my mind festering. It is the meanderings of my mind as I seek to define myself and my world.

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