Source: Daily Prompt
This Is Your Life
If you could read a book containing all that has happened and will ever happen in your life, would you? If you choose to read it, you must read it cover to cover.
This prompt took a lot of thinking about. On the side of reading my book is that sometimes, in the depths of depression, I feel a need to know that I have a better quality of life in the future. This makes me feel hopeful that my seemingly eternal struggle is going to be worthwhile.
Opposing reading my book is a memory of the story of Pandora’s box and that what was left in the box was hope. If I chose to read my book, there would be nothing left in my box. It would be all there, laid out. If it was more of what I had already been experiencing then I might give up the struggle and succumb to suicide.
The second opposing thought was that the things in the book might not be set. I remember the warning of time travellers not to meet themselves and not to change anything, as the repercussions could include their not being born or some catastrophe that was not meant to occur. In this instance, what if reading my book set it all in place, the good and the bad. But if I didn’t read it time, counselling, the wisdom of aging, choices etc etc, might be able to make changes, like an ongoing edit.
The book is written and it is here, right in front of me. But what if those that write it, change it according to what I do and it is written in real time. If I don’t read it, they continue writing the path of my life rather than it being “type set” so to speak and it is only in front of me to taunt me into reading it. The purpose being for the benefit of the writer who liked the control of the lives they wrote about, rather than my own. It meant my life became their story, rather than mine.
Another opposition is that I have suppressed much of the past and certainly don’t want sentence by sentence writing about all the horrors in my past. It might be great to have a record of the good stuff that I forgot, in the prominence of the bad but I am not sure that is a good enough reason to risk it.
It is also not just my book, my family would be in there and friends etc etc. how did that all mesh into one book. Was their permission sort for their inclusion or was I isolated, as in life, in my own book from others that contributed to my life.
A final voice for the know is that I would hate to lose a sense of wonder, when something happens that I didn’t expect. This could include my death date and cause – would I then spent my now, seeking pointlessly to avoid it. Losing any chance of living in the moment. My fear of the past could become joined by my fear of the future – just too much knowledge.
Since I want hope to remain in my “box”, I won’t open the book and read it. I want to be that writer not some unknown person. I want to retain a sense of wonder day by day. I am happy with my choice. The writer can just keep on writing, I am not done living yet.