Posted in Poetry

In the silence of rigid suppression

Background:  This touches on a major defense mechanism I used to employ.  Great for emotional and physical pain suppression but it also numbs any emotion including the good ones.

Comments are very welcome.


In the silence of rigid suppression


In the silence of rigid suppression

Part of me is always screaming

It is just that no one ever hears it

Especially, not me, the one who should


But should I? when the goal was always not to

Not to feel pain, blame, shame, hurt or love

To be numb to emotions that belong in the past

But who crowd my sense of now and any future

In the silence of rigid suppression

I do not recognise an injury or illness

A broken bone feels the same as a bruise

I do not know if the fever is illness or stress

But what is most tragic, the deepest loss to bear

Is being able to feel my lover’s hand on my body

A feather light touch filled with love and passion

I am numb to any sensation and I mourn the loss

In the silence of rigid suppression

I do not feel all of the pain from fibro

But I equally struggle to feel love

Life is a balancing act, I learned late

I rebuild my life almost from scratch

Reduce my weight, stop stress eating

Fight depression, stop starving myself

Exist with anxiety, but not let it stop me

In the silence of rigid suppression

I move steadfastly forward

While fearing past patterns re-emergence

Looking no further than the next step

If emotions were a tap system

I am slowly releasing the spigot

To feel who, what and how I am

To finally know all that is me



I was 46 years old when I begun this blog, female and married with a house full of cats (7). My past is littered with the impact of events that happened when I was a teen. Two loves of my life have been nursing and studying. I just completed my Master of Arts: Media Studies endorsement. My blog will be about the things I think about, that might be better served being written rather than squirreled away in my mind festering. It is the meanderings of my mind as I seek to define myself and my world.

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